


When one door closes

by LittleMissO



Category: Holby City
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fix-It of Sorts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-09-01 07:23:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16760590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMissO/pseuds/LittleMissO
Summary: Fix it for this morning's magazine article spoilers. Because I love waking up to stuff like that and have nothing better to do than write fix-it fic!Probably not the best piece I have written and not re-edited like I usually do. I just wanted to get something up that fixed the latest mess as soon as possible - and I've only been awake a couple of hours. Please let me know if I've made any errors.Comments are always welcome!





	When one door closes

The door clicks shut behind them, but neither of them notices. Leah's lips have not left Serena's since they first met, since Leah leaned forward towards her. The kiss had continued as Serena pulled them both through the door, continued as Leah pushed Serena against the wall and moved her entire body closer to Serena.

Serena is soaring on a wave of sensation. It feels good, so good, to be kissed like this, desired like this. She starts to melt into the embrace hazily aware of exactly where this is heading. She knows that she is seconds away from passing the point of no return and letting this go where it is obviously destined to. It feels so right, until it doesn't. A moan emerges from Leah's lips, and it's wrong. The wrong sound; the wrong pitch, predatory and victorious, not loving and full of wonder. Then she realises that somehow their bodies don't fit together quite right; the waist under her hands doesn't slot into the palm of her hand as it ought to, the hips are awkwardly digging into her not exerting gentle pressure, she can't tangle her fingers in the short hair like she wants to and the lips feel almost aggressive against her, rather than soft and yielding. 

It isn't right at all, it isn't Bernie. Her body seems to shudder to a halt as the realisation of what is happening, what she is doing slams into her. She breaks off the kiss and backs away from Leah a look of horror and disbelief on her face. What on earth had she done, had she been about to do? 

It's Leah who speaks first, a self satisfied smirk playing on her face.  
“Want to move this to the bed then?” she almost purrs.

“NO!” Serena manages to say firmly and clearly. Seeing the way Leah is looking at her,   
has brought her fully back to herself more rapidly than a bucket of cold water would. There's something deeply unsettling going on behind those eyes. “I don't want this, you. I'm with someone else.”

“Didn't look like that to me a minute ago.” says Leah as she steps towards Serena. “You seemed to be enjoying yourself. I know I was.”

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have… I didn't… It was wrong of me. It was a mistake, a huge mistake. You're my junior, we can't...”

“And yet we did. Surely that means something?”

“Leah, I love Bernie. I can't, I won't, I don't want, to do this to her.”

Leah looks Serena up and down and meets her eyes with a steely determination.  
“Because you here and her in Nairobi is working soooo well for you. Totally Mills and Boon. When you come to your senses you know where I'll be.” With that Leah turned and stalked out of the room banging the door behind her.

Serena lent back against the wall of the now quiet on call room, one hand wrapped round her waist in an attempt at self comfort, the other hand over her eyes as if trying to block out what had just happened. She can't quite believe it. She hates cheats, hates office romances – except, of course for when it comes to Bernie. How did she get herself into this position? She's a professional, with a hard won reputation she reproves herslef. Hardly that any more though she thinks. Not really compatible with dragging F1's into on call rooms for steamy clandestine assignations. God, she was about the same age as Elinor would have been What had she been thinking? She was behaving like a female version of Edward, she thought, and the thought revolted her. 

And Bernie. What about Bernie? She sank to the floor as her legs gave way and refused to hold her up any longer. She loved her, more than anything, more than anyone, but it had been hard, so hard to keep it going. Despite asking Bernie to wait for her Serena was finding the separation almost too much. Were texts and emails really enough to keep things going? It had been three weeks, three long weeks since she had heard Bernie's voice. It was not excuse for what had just happened, but she couldn't help thinking that it hadn't helped. At the edges of her consciousness there was a vague, uncomfortable feeling that Leah had picked up on this and taken advantage of it.

Serena sat quietly on the floor for a while, hoping that her still body would help still her mind. Would help her focus on the Serena she had been before Dr Faulkner had shown up and she had allowed herself to be thrown so far off balance.

She knew it was Bernie that she wanted, that she loved. Knew that what they had, the future they could have together, was worth fighting for. But to do that, to give that future the firm foundations it needed, she was going to have to talk to Bernie – to tell her everything. Not just about Leah, but about how torn she felt between her family in Holby and her love in Nairobi, how hard she was finding long distance, how lonely she felt, how much she wanted them to work, but how terrified she was that they wouldn't. She wasn't going to excuse what she had done, but neither was she going to deny the factors that had contributed to the situation arising.

Perhaps, just perhaps, thought Serena, Bernie might understand just a little of what had happened between her and Leah? It was hardly the same, but Bernie had been married when she met Alex, and Alex had been her junior. It wasn't much, but it was a slim thread of hope. Bracing herself for what she had to do Serena got to her feet, locked the door and retrieved her mobile from the night stand and dialled. As the call connected she sank onto the bed.

“Hi Bernie, It's me. Listen, I've got something I need to tell you...”


End file.
